I’ve been trying to think about how to start this all morning. I suppose the only answer to that is to muddle through and hope for the best.
With recent events in Sydney and now today in Pakistan, I am feeling powerless. And useless. I don’t want to call myself ‘a sensitive soul’ because that sounds like a label only someone else can give you. All that’s left to say is that my heart is aching, my tears are falling, and I’m not sure what to do about it.
What you don’t see here is the paragraph I’d typed, shaming myself for things that I have no control over (like having social anxiety) and for not doing more. But I refuse to do that. Berating myself serves no purpose, and it certainly doesn’t honour those who have died because of violence. My feelings of helplessness? Powerlessness? That means they win – the people who love nothing more than to make people feel afraid and powerless. I’m too competitive to let anyone win and take away my strength.
To the victims of violence: I remember you. I mourn you. I find the strength to keep standing because of you. I do what I can to bring something positive to the world.
Rest in peace.