A couple of weeks ago, Wanderer and I were chatting to guy who was passing through town and only there for one night. As sometimes happens, said guy (I shall call him Square) wanted to know what I do for a living. This is always a difficult topic, as I seem to baffle anyone above a certain age and anyone who has had or currently has a nine to five.
Heaven forbid a woman of my age trying to get by on what meagre talents she has.
Wanderer proudly announced that I write books and such, but Square seemed a bit mystified by ‘urban fantasy’ so Wanderer then said that I write zines and explained a little bit about what they are.
“What do you write about?” Square asked.
I replied that there are a number of different topics, but I have one series that is primarily autobiographical.
Square shook his head and announced that no one wanted to read about other people’s lives, to which I replied that I’ve loved biographies since I was a child.
“So what makes you so special?”
Wanderer must have sensed my growing frustration at that point, because he jumped in with the very cliff notes version of leaving everything I knew at barely twenty years old to travel halfway across the planet with some clothes and a laptop to start a new life.
Square was insistent this was not anything anyone would be interested in reading about, at which point we pushed the conversation in a different direction.
Who do you think you are?
What makes you so special?
These questions and questions like them are used so often to bring artists down. To somehow make artists ‘on the same level’ as everyone else.
Somehow, to create something is considered by some people – sometimes by the artists themselves – to be self-indulgent privilege that should only be granted to those who have been deemed valid by others. Some people seem to think a thing should only exist if they think it has value.
Bullshit.
Fast forward a few weeks.
I sat in the little medical office while the nurse helped me to map out my health care plan. I was lost and confused with new chronic illness conditions to add to the list. I was intimidated by the idea of needing a ‘health care team’, and the term ‘quality of life’ rang in my ears.
She asked me a few questions, and I eventually had to confess that this was all new to me and that I was pretty confused about, well, everything to do with my new diagnosis. She nodded, understanding, and said:
“I have that condition, too.”
What? She did? This woman who was so different from me in age, employment, economic background, and countless other things that conversation didn’t bring up was also like me?
I wanted to know so much more. When was she first diagnosed? How? How long has she been dealing with it? Were her side effects like mine? Did we struggle with the same things? What lessons had she learned that she could share with me?
There were so many things I wanted to know about this stranger and her life. I wanted her to have written zines upon zines about her experiences so I could get them all and read them. I felt comforted by the fact that someone who had this big, scary diagnosis in common with me was so great at being a successful nurse.
And she had no idea.
One of the most beautiful feelings in life is finding out that you aren’t alone. That you aren’t the only one. But if we, as artists, were to stop creating, stop writing, stop putting our Selves out there for want of some sort of permission slip from the universe, there’s so much more pain that will happen because of the lack of our art.
Yes, this is a power that so many people who create things don’t realise they have. Whether you are sharing your story through paintings, zines, books, handwritten letters to penpals, and so much more, you are having an impact. You are changing lives, and you don’t even know it.
As a creator, you will touch another person’s life. Perhaps thousands for millions of lives. The only thing you need to accept is that you will never know the full impact you have. Only you have lived your life with your setbacks, your reactions, your failures, and your successes. Only you are fully equipped to share your story in whatever medium you feel most called to.
You should share your story because you’re the best person to share it, and you have no idea how many people could could help, comfort, and inspire by doing so.
Who do you think you are? You are a creator. You put things into the world, you give, and you damn well don’t need permission to do so.
Nyx, this article really touched me. I have had similar experiences and it has really made me feel low.But your article today has lifted my spirits and I will reread it when I doubt myself. Thank you for sharing your experiences and putting your creations into the world.All the very best:0)
Thank you for you comment. It means a lot to me that this post lifted your spirits and helped you see a way past your doubts. Happy creating, fellow artist. 🙂
Square sounded like a noodle head. I hate pessimistic people like that.
When it comes to zines I am always looking for autobiographical tales of mental health. These stories are missing from media and only makes living with a mental illness more isolating. I share my stories because if my zine can make one person feel less alone than it is all worth the cost of time, crappy printers and postal costs.
Well said on all counts!
oh nyx . . . i just tell ’em i don’t do fuck all . . . that i’m a fucking bum . . . then i show them the hank williams patch on my jacket . . . that says “mind your own business.”
but . . . what i want to pick your ziney brain about is that competition broken pencil (i think they’re in canada) is doing . . . it’s a zine competition . . . but they want 20 bucks for you to submit your zine to it. i think that’s messed up! i can understand a nominal charge . . . maybe a couple bucks . . . but 20! how the hell am i gonna come up with 20 bucks when i’m a bum?! bastards! just wanted your 2 cents on it.
and you never answered me about that other thing . . . about some zine thing being controversial in the zine world. i can’t remember the name of it.
and tell kendy that i’m a noodle head! and actually “noodle” is slang for head . . . so she soulda said he’s a “noodle noodle.”
josiah fishprick out!
god bless kendy . . . she’s a trooper!
HAha. I should. Negates further conversation.
Oh! So THAT’S who is doing it. I’d heard about it, but I couldn’t figure out who was charging. I’ll have to have a think on it and write up something.
Hm. If you can think of the other thing, let me know. I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but sorry I didn’t respond. I’ve had a bit of a foggy brain of late.
Maybe it’s me being Le Sensitive, but I think Square was being beyond rude. What makes them so special that they think they can just go and devalue your work? What kind of head space is that where you ask somebody what they do, and when they answer you go “That’s kinda shit”. Who DOES that? It’s just So. Unbelievably. Rude. Not to mention incorrect of course, as everybody who’s ever read a zine (or read a blog, or a book or listened to a song or has been to a support group meeting or a movie or whatever) knows. Sharing stories is such a huge part of existing in this world. Well, unless you cut all stories short by telling the other person that what they do is shit of course. *shakes head*
I don’t think you’re being sensitive at all – and I am an incredibly sensitive person. It was definitely one of those situations where you’re just so shocked at someone’s behaviour that you can’t even get your head straight enough to take them to task for it. I can’t even site his age as an excuse because Wanderer isn’t a young fella and has all the respect in the world for me and what I’ve done in my life. I’ve never wanted to big note the things I’ve done, but when that man said no one would care about the things I’ve done, I wanted to sock him one! What is the saying? Opinions are like assholes – even if you think you have a special one you should keep it to yourself. Something like that. 😛
thanks for writing the article and sharing with us. Often I’m not sure if it the things I drew/made/create has any impact on others at all. I just keep doing and making things because I enjoy the process and I like most of the things I made. (not every experiment is going to be a success. 😅) If someone out there also like my creations, that’s great. But I know the creating process helps me deal with other stress in life and that’s all that matters to me.
Thank you for commenting. 🙂 That’s really the thing so many people seem to forget – that, in the end, we need to do it for us first and try not to worry about the rest.
That´s such an on point and eloquent article! I feel refreshed and joyful reading it. Don´t stop, please, expressing your thoughts. And thank you for sharing too 🙂
Thank you so much for commenting. I’m glad my post could bring you some joy. 🙂